I have a Facebook account. I’m not entirely sure why I have a Facebook account, because it basically alternates between boring the shit out of me and irritating me (hi, Facebook friends!) but I have one nevertheless.

One of the things which is increasingly common on Facebook (and other social media – Google+, I’m looking at you) is that it’s populated by fuckwits.

Actually, that could probably be my entire point. You can stop reading now if you like.

Still with me? Okay – so the presence of all these fuckwits means that idiocy gets spread around the social media like a virus. Only not the nice kind of virus that disables your operating system and deletes all your important files, but the sort of virus which just sits there, showing how fucking stupid other human beings are, and making you look at it over and over and over until you want to gouge out your own eyes and/or purchase a high calibre machine gun¹.

Take those “if ten thousand people ‘like’ this picture of a baby with leprosy, then it will be showered with rainbows and candy” pictures which insist on being passed around. By idiots.

Or the ever-popular “unless a million people share this link, then Facebook will start charging”, which keep getting passed around. By idiots.

Obviously it’s only idiots who pass this shit around, or who click on the fucking things with any hope that it will actually ACHIEVE something. I mean, you’d need to be pretty damn educationally subnormal to think that some sort of distant, benevolent authority would give a tuppenny fuck about dying children if – and only if – enough people click a little button on the internet, right?

The same kind of idiot who fills out any kind of online petition; because nothing says ‘getting things done’ like being too lazy get off your arse long enough to pick up a fucking pen. Especially when you can type your name in allcaps underneath an incoherent, misspelt demand to ‘saev are NHs’ or whathaveyou. The government will definitely pay attention to something like that.

The same kind of idiot who thinks that it’s somehow ‘brave’ or even slightly relevant to repost something someone else wrote about cancer or whatever, and then insist that all their friends repost it ‘if they’re brave enough to make a difference’. If I was brave enough to make a difference, I’d be donating to Cancer Research or giving blood, not poncing about on the fucking internet like some sort of enormous sanctimonious cunt, actually.

Okay, I feel better now.


¹Note for any authorities who happen to be reading, I haven’t. But in case I do eventually snap and go on a killing spree, you could perhaps consider this my confession²
²Also a joke.

3 thoughts on “Slacktivism

  • 20th October 2011 at 16:03

    It truly is amazing what wonders the Internet and all of this instant communication technology has given the world. Morons can assemble into flash mobs almost instantaneously today. Anarchists can unite globally. But it takes seven business days for a cheque to clear.


    • 20th October 2011 at 17:33

      And I can tell my utility companies which day I want them to take my direct debits taken out of my bank account, so that they can proceed to take the money out 3-12 days later.

      It’s like a little game they play with my finances every month. A game which involves me losing lots of money.

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