As of my last (half-way point) update, I was barely a third of the way to my target. Which gave me two choices, really – either resign myself to failure (and baldness), or pull out all the stops.
I really, really don’t want to be bald.
First order of business was completing Dishonored. Which took fucking ages – and still didn’t net me the full 100% gamerscore (because you have to complete it at least twice to do that… once as a giant hippy, and once as a homicidal psychopath who butchers his way through the city. I’ll let you guess which one I chose)
I also skipped the incredibly faffy – and more importantly time consuming – DLC¹ challenges, which meant Dishonored was put to bed with a mere 840 gamerscore.
840 points that took me almost a week to claim. Bumholes.
Why, you may be asking yourself, why is the word ‘Doritos’ clumsily inserted into the title of that game?
Well it’s because it’s free, and by ‘free’ I of course mean ‘clearly sponsored by a snack food company’.
It’s basically Total Wipeout or Takeshi’s Castle: the game.
Which a) is lots of fun to play and b) provides ‘hilarious’ entertainment for everyone as they watch me being total shit at it:
Speaking of being shit, there’s one genre² I am complete and total wank at, and that’s driving games.
I want you all to realise what a sacrifice I made playing this.
It’s not that I dislike driving games, particularly (even though I am – as I said – really very crap indeed), but Forza 4 deserves a special place in hell for being linked quite so unashamedly with Top Gear.
Which wouldn’t really be a problem – if it weren’t for the incessant Jeremy Clarkson voiceovers.
Now it’s not that I dislike Clarkson, but more that I oppose him and everything he stands for, so having to put up with his jingoistic, unskippable bollocks booming from my xbox was rather more than I could take.
Especially when he started banging on about global warming (no, really).
Fortunately, it’s possible to drown him out with onboard media player and some Vandals, so I did that.
I am, as the pictures show, still the sort of person who should never ever be allowed near a top of the range sports car…
… but I can hold my own in a reasonably-priced one.
So – after seven days of falling off things, crashing cars and generally being a bit shit at games, where has this left me?
Quietly confident, that’s where. Although it’s only six days to go (including today!); that’s 147 gamerscore per day. I can do that.
My hair demands it.
Remember, you can still donate HERE, via JustGiving – all donations go directly to Cancer Research UK, which is much more important than all of this fannying about, but let’s pretend they’re connected, just for a laugh.
(massive thanks to everyone who has already donated!)
¹’Downloadable Content’ or ‘extra bits that game developers charge you for after the game has been released’. Sometimes they’re a bit shit, overpriced or poorly playtested. Sometimes they’re fucking awesome.
²If I’m entirely honest, there are several genres of game that I am complete and total wank at, but I don’t have time to do a list.