Dave vs. Microsoft – Day Twenty-Two
To find out why I’m doing this, see my first post or donate via JustGiving here
As of my last (half-way point) update, I was barely a third of the way to my target. Which gave me two choices, really – either resign myself to failure (and baldness), or pull out all the stops.
I really, really don’t want to be bald.
First order of business was completing Dishonored. Which took fucking ages – and still didn’t net me the full 100% gamerscore (because you have to complete it at least twice to do that… once as a giant hippy, and once as a homicidal psychopath who butchers his way through the city. I’ll let you guess which one I chose)
I also skipped the incredibly faffy – and more importantly time consuming – DLC¹ challenges, which meant Dishonored was put to bed with a mere 840 gamerscore.
840 points that took me almost a week to claim. Bumholes.
Fortunately, right about the time I completed Dishonored, Doritos Crash Course 2 was released.
Why, you may be asking yourself, why is the word ‘Doritos’ clumsily inserted into the title of that game?
Well it’s because it’s free, and by ‘free’ I of course mean ‘clearly sponsored by a snack food company’.
It’s basically Total Wipeout or Takeshi’s Castle: the game.
Which a) is lots of fun to play and b) provides ‘hilarious’ entertainment for everyone as they watch me being total shit at it:
Speaking of being shit, there’s one genre² I am complete and total wank at, and that’s driving games.
Fortunate, then, that my son received a bundle copy of Forza Motorsport 4with his xBox that I’ve never played…
I want you all to realise what a sacrifice I made playing this.
It’s not that I dislike driving games, particularly (even though I am – as I said – really very crap indeed), but Forza 4 deserves a special place in hell for being linked quite so unashamedly with Top Gear.
Which wouldn’t really be a problem – if it weren’t for the incessant Jeremy Clarkson voiceovers.
Now it’s not that I dislike Clarkson, but more that I oppose him and everything he stands for, so having to put up with his jingoistic, unskippable bollocks booming from my xbox was rather more than I could take.
Especially when he started banging on about global warming (no, really).
Fortunately, it’s possible to drown him out with onboard media player and some Vandals, so I did that.
I am, as the pictures show, still the sort of person who should never ever be allowed near a top of the range sports car…
… but I can hold my own in a reasonably-priced one.
So – after seven days of falling off things, crashing cars and generally being a bit shit at games, where has this left me?
Quietly confident, that’s where. Although it’s only six days to go (including today!); that’s 147 gamerscore per day. I can do that.
My hair demands it.
Remember, you can still donate HERE, via JustGiving – all donations go directly to Cancer Research UK, which is much more important than all of this fannying about, but let’s pretend they’re connected, just for a laugh.
(massive thanks to everyone who has already donated!)
¹’Downloadable Content’ or ‘extra bits that game developers charge you for after the game has been released’. Sometimes they’re a bit shit, overpriced or poorly playtested. Sometimes they’re fucking awesome.
²If I’m entirely honest, there are several genres of game that I am complete and total wank at, but I don’t have time to do a list.
